I am Human

I came across another great quote today that inspired me.

The main thing in life is to not be afraid to be human.

Pablo Casals

Catalan Cellist and Conductor

That seems like a “duh” moment.  It is obvious that I am human.  But it is the elements that go into being human that are so easily overlooked.  The way I summed it up for me was like this:

• not perfect
• emotional
• consciously, actively thinking/reacting
• vulnerable

Nothing complicated.  But I have created this “type” of person that I am.  When I fall short of being that “type” of person, I am very hard on myself.  But you know what?  I can be whatever type of person I want to be.  I am the type of person that is not perfect!  I am sometimes forgetful.  I don’t want to be the person carrying all of the weight and responsibilities.  I don’t want to be the person that is so responsible that I am afraid to take risk or afraid to ask for help.  I don’t always want to wear a protective shield of armor.  I don’t want to play Dr “let me try to figure you out so we can be coo”l.  I just want to be what comes naturally.  Even if it upsets the balance sometimes…sometimes.

That’s really not an easy task considering that I have been developing or just being this “type” for a long while now.  But…I can be whoever and whatever I want to be, whenever I decide to be that.  Now!

Take that, take that…

Take that. take that

Puffy moment.  Peace.

Related articles

• Getting Out of Your Own Way (psychologytoday.com)

 

Africa is a Continent…not a Country

Not too long ago…

I stopped at Starbucks before class to get some “wake-your-ass-up” fluid.  I usually go through the drive-thru, but I decided to go inside and sit until class started.  I think I may have had a test that day…so I might have been studying.

The Starbucks as down the street from campus, so just a couple of miles away, so of course there were a lot of students in there as well.  I overheard this young Caucasian girl talking to her friend, a young Caucasian man, about their course for the semester.  She mentioned taking a History class and how boring it was.  The young guy couldn’t believe it.  He was proclaiming his interest in history and all of the cool things you learn about and so on.  She did not agree.  However, she started to tell him about the most interesting thing she had learned so far in that class.  ”The Africans sold their own people.”

When she said it, she spoke the words with great pride.  It sounded as if she was given a sense of relief that Africans did it to themselves, so…there…it’s their own fault!  She kept talking in this way that I just cannot describe because at this point I was upset.

Here is the back-drop.  I am in a newly developed rural area in Georgia.  Just a week or so ago, not too far from this location there, there was a cross-burning in a young Black couples front yard.  Yes…just a couple of weeks ago.  So umm…just take a step back and think about what type of environment this is and the possibilities of the type of people who reside in this area.  Should I be surprised at this conversation?  No.  I expect this type of talk and thinking, but not out loud!  It’s 2013.  But, I needed to remind myself of the reality around me.

So…as I sit there sipping my double-expresso, shaking in outrage, and trembling from the anticipation of what I am about to do next…I speak my words.  I am usually very polite.  There was no, “Excuse me” in this move.  There was no subtleties.  Only truth-speaking here.  ”That is not true!”  ”Even if it was true, our people had no idea what was in store and did not trade us under the conditions they were told.”

The young Caucasian guy, “That’s true.”  As she rolls her eyes at me and begins to mumble something, I decide to turn away and drop it right there before I get lynched in 2013 for speaking out loud to a young Caucasian girl.  To not be dramatic, I stayed and finished my coffee.  I ignored any further words that came out of her little polluted mouth.  I couldn’t focus though.  I was ready to leave.  I had so much adrenaline pumping through me I could have run to campus and not even have been tired.  But I sat there.  Appearing calm, until I finished my coffee.

There is a podcast called, ‘A Forgotten History: The Slave Trade and Slavery in New England’ on iTunes that I listen to and watch.  I want to share i with the world.  The one that directly relates to this conversation is called, ‘Did African slave traders enslave their own people?‘

Mis-education and His-story have crippled Black people beyond measure.  Black people everywhere.  But specifically here in the United States.  EVEN TODAY!  We just want be treated fairly.  Some of us want to assimilate, some don’t.  We want to just be.  We have proven time and time again, that we are more than they sold us to be.  We are strong, intelligent, innovate, creative, sensitive, compassionate, loving people.  The list can continue.  We can blend.  We do blend.  We do belong.  People…we should never forget.  Keep your history true to yourself.  Some of us are still in environments where we have to be a little more conscious than others   We have to remember exactly who we are, where we are, and where we came from.  It is important to maintain perspective.  Some of you are clueless.  Ignorance is SOMETIMES bliss…and I hope the rest of your life remains that way so that you never have to endure the dual consciousness that most Black people (and I am sure other ethnicities go through this to some degree also) have to maintain (W.E. B. DuBois).  It’s hard, it’s aggravating and annoying, it’s tiring…it’s extra.  I hate it.  But it’s real for me.  And I have to keep it in perspective so when I encounter situations that are not making sense to me or that do not seem fair…I can re-analyze from my other level of consciousness and settle the thought.

Check out this Podcast and the rest in the series.  Read more!  Information is out there, ready and available to you…most of it for free.

Downside…if you are reading this in WordPress…the link does not work…sorry.  You will have to take the time to get the Podcast on your own, if you are truly interested.

If you are reading this in Facebook…the link should work.

Peace.

 

Some Inspiration

Hello Friends, Family, and Distant Observers!

I am getting close to the end of school.  My last day is tomorrow, Tuesday.  I take my last final…well…it’s not really a final, but more of an assessment for the entire program.  They want to know what all we have retrained.  Not so sure they should have included me in this assessment! lol  Who knows.  Maybe I will remember more than I think once I see the information.

My point in telling you that I was getting close to the end i because I will begin to shift my focus back on my Blogging and drawing.  I have not shared any of my drawing with you…but I will.  I took an art class at CalState L.A. that totally help my with the basics of art.  I created things that I did not know I could do!  I saved EVERY project I completed…except for one that I gave away to my dear Taiwanese friend  She knows who she is!  And obviously she is the only friend I have in Taiwan.  Anyway…the rest of the pictures I have.  As soon as I can I will take a picture of them to share.

So yeah…blogging will be back on deck…full force.  As usual I have so much to share…but you know that I do not like to back-track.  We will just keep it moving in a forward progression.  So…hang in there with me!

Here is a little inspiration for the day.  Enjoy.  Peace.

The secret of change 
is to focus all of your energy, 
not on fighting the old, 
but on building the new.

Socrates, 469-399 B.C.
Greek Philosopher

This last one intrigued me because I never really thought about courage and the role it plays in my life.  So I found this message rather interesting.

You cannot be truthful if you are not courageous.
You cannot be loving if you are not courageous.
You cannot be trusting if you are not courageous.
You cannot enter into reality if you are not courageous.
Hence courage comes first.
And everything else follows.

Osho, 1931-1990
Indian Mystic and Philosopher

 

Saints Row the Third

So…what have I been doing with my free-time lately?  Playing the most ignorant game that I have ever purchased…EVER.

But I cannot stop playing it!  It is so much fun to play…I just can’t believe it.  I need to admit something else.  This is not the first time I have played Saints Row…I played Saints Row II.  Dammit!  I liked that one too…

I have put myself out there to be judged…so go ahead…  I have traded my Final Fantasy addiction for finishing Saints Row.  Why?  My excuse… because it’s easier!  And uncomfortably fun.

But hey…it’s a game, right???  RIGHT!!!!  It’s just a game!!!!

Okay.  It’s cool.  It’s all good.  We are still friends.

And I am still going to go home and play…

Peace.

 

Well Done Beyonce

UPDATE:  Okay…I have been ignoring the talk about Beyonce and Jay-z‘s devil worshipping.  Not ignoring because I don’t believe in that stuff…because I do!  Rather ignoring because I kinda didn’t care because I wasn’t a fan of either of them anyway.  But then, after I accepted her as a fan, I realized that I now had to address those devil worshipping rumors…

Here is my 2cent.  I don’t deny the existence of too many things.  I tend to think that just because I can’t prove something, does not mean that it does not exist.  So I tread very delicately in that area, generally.

With that…Yes…I do believe that people worship the devil/satan…that practice has existed for a long time and it is a fact.  I have even read the Devil’s Handbook and some of their bible when I was a teenager.  I learned so many things from those books that it changed my life.  Truly.  (For those of you that Fear things like that…my advice to you is to embrace knowledge.  Learn your enemy, opponents, opposition…know what you are up against.)

Do I believe that Beyonce and Jay-Z partake in that culture…yeah…kinda.  Why wouldn’t I?  I don’t know them personally to be like…oh…uh uhh.  Oh…maybe I should think that they don’t because they are Black…like Black people do not worship the devil…come one now…some of errbody do some of errthing…get wit it!

I know some of you have seen the many images and videos of them.  I’m not going to post any…you know how and where to get them if you are interested.  Well…I’ve only seen one video and let me tell you what sold me.  The t-shirt Jay-Z was wering that read “Do What Thou Wilt” and more than a handful of images of Beyonce adoring the Baphomet.  That was enough for me.  Only an Atheist would not care about wearing things that represent things that they do not believe in anyway!  But any Believer of God would not DARE.  Why…because it looks satanic!!!  But they rock that shit like it’s the business…and I believe that it just might be the business for them.

Oh…and don’t even try to put the Baphomet on the same level as the generic devil picture.  I know people… dapple with that imagery also and don’t necessarily worship the devil.  People get that stuff tattooed and errthing.  Yeah…uh huhh…I hear ya, but that shit aint the same!  Not as far as I am concerned.  But of course, you are free to form your own opinions…just like I just formed mine about 15 minutes ago.

I am sad to announce…but I must revoke my fanclub invitation because I don’t rock like that.  I promote diversity and all…but I have my limits.

I knew they were some greedy fuckers anyway…money, money, money.  But at what costs?  It’s hard to ask that question of a man because you can’t outright “see” what they do compared to a woman.  Have you noticed Beyonce’s transformation?  That was part of the reason I did not care for her.  How sexy do you need to be?  If you are the shit…truly…you rock, PERIOD.  No need for anything extra.  You just do you…you don’t need to invoke an alter-ego.  But what do I know…

You know…I’m done with this.  I just wanted to update this post.  Love me or hate me because of this…I really don’t give a shit  But I still love ya!

Peace.

I have never been a Beyoncé fan.  I was always skeptical of Destiny’s Child.  I tend to hate…yes hate…when the lighter-skinned person is made the center of attention, which then makes the others not so pretty anymore. The unfortunately…Beyoncé was the “prettier” one…so that made it even worse.  Then with the group break-up’s and member replacements…it was inevitable she was about to do her solo thing.  So…I wondered what type of person she really was.

Let me pause this conversation to let you all know that I am a true believer that beauty is on the eye of the beholder.  I tend to see beauty for myself, not for what Hollywood, American Society, the music industry, etc tells me is beautiful.  Most people have been brainwashed into seeing things they way they are told to see them and not the way that they truly see them.  I choose for myself.  I choose to define what is beautiful and I define what is ugly.  I love looking at people and analyzing their very presence.  I’m quite good at that.  So when I put the word pretty in quotes…that means what the mainstream society has defined as pretty…not me.

Back to the story.  Beyoncé.  Because I was never really able to embrace Beyonce…I chose to dislike instead of like her.  She needed to do something or say something that would make me think she was anything other than what I thought she was with the information and presentation given through the media.

Her singing got better, her hair got bigger, and she became more sexualized.  None of that was going to draw me closer to her.  Her music was danceable, but didn’t speak to my soul.  Her lyrics were sometimes deep, but not deep enough for me to drown in.  She was not speaking to me.  I just could not find anything to grasp on to so that I could become a Beyoncé fan.

I respected her craft.  A young, beautiful, Black woman taking the world on.  I dig that.

Last weekend there was a documentary about her that aired on HBO.  I refused to watch it.  Refused.  I did not want to watch it and then not like her even more.  I didn’t want the disappointment.  But my curiosity got the best of me.  I just had to know what she was going to reveal…whether it was really her or not.  I just had to see.  I think I watched about 15 minutes of it and turned it off.  When I did, my Other asked me, :What happened?  You can’t take any more of her?”  I told him that I was sold.  ”What do you mean?” he asked.

I’m a fan.  She said a few things that sounded so normal to me that I could not do anything except accept that and her.  I’m still not a big fan…but I welcome her on to my team.

Hmmm…I’m glad I watched it.  I do not want to NOT like anyone without just cause.  So I had to change my attitude and open myself up to experience her.  I think that might have been one of the reasons for her documentary.  Although planned, edited, and such…I still got enough of her to make a fair assumption…I kinda like her.  I respect what she is trying to do.  Nuffsaid.  Beyonce and me…we’re good now!  Kinda…

Enjoy!

Peace.

Related articles

• Beyoncé’s Real Life Is a Self-Centered Nightmare (theatlanticwire.com)
• Do You Hate On Beyoncé Because You Hate Yourself? (praisecharlotte.com)
• Beyonce’s HBO doc: All the moments you don’t want to miss, minute by minute (o.canada.com)
• We may not be perfect…. (islandstyle.typepad.com)

 

Good Morning

Good morning…or evening…well…or afternoon depending on where and when you read this.  But good morning for me!

I decided to start typing this morning to attempt to relieve some tension and try something different.  ALSO…I decided to take a picture of myself to share.  Here is what I look like AND this is what I am doing!  HA!

Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed????  Not really.  My work area is usually very dim (by preferential choice).  So today, I decided to turn the lights on/up and see if that helps me.  Experiment.

The other day, when I got home from school I looked at myself in the mirror and realized how bad I looked!  I was like…DAMN!!!  What the hell happened to me!  I looked like I had been up for days.  Then I thought…I wonder if I look like that while I’m at work…????  Then I thought…omg…I should probably primp all day to stay on top of that.  Then I thought…

that shit is just not me.  Awe man…that was a close one!  I was on the verge of becoming…I don’t know…something!  I JUST saved myself.  For real!  Here’s my reality check face…

Well…I enjoyed sharing my morning pictures with you.  I hope you enjoyed them as well because you KNOW that I do not usually do that.

Here’s to trying something different!  Morning Randomness.

Have you ever been in a conversation that mildly started out one way and turned into something…let’s say out of hand and un-necessary?  That was part of my day yesterday.  This morning, I realized that I took that with me to bed.  I allowed it to ruin my night and wear me down.  I gotta work on that.  Instead of being upset with that person, I should have been upset at myself (I am now…or I was) for allowing them to control the conversation in a way that would upset/bother me.  Totally my fault.  If I would have stayed on topic…it would not have gotten to the point.  Well…it still might have, but maybe not.

That situation actually reminded me of myself.  Reality check.  Some things are not necessary to debate or need convincing.  Every discussion does not need thorough analysis.  Some things are simple yes/no/I don’t know questions.  Some people are not worth the time, thought, and energy.

I would appreciate it if today was Friday.

Peace.

 

 

 

 

 

What’s Funny?

I love to laugh.  I had an incident earlier this week that made me think twice before I share a laugh with someone.  Now…I need to ask what it is exactly that they think is funny before I just start laughing…

So…I can be an uptight person.  But I can be a very funny person also.  I have my balance.  There is a time and a place for these things.  Plus…I don’t tend to think that everything is funny, but I usually am able to find humor in almost everything.

There is this thing now…just about everything…especially if it’s ignorant…is available on YouTube.

My coworker has been saying this phrase…”Ain’t nobody got time for that” occasionally   When he says it, it is funny as hell!  I laugh very hard.  No lie.  He told me that he got it from this video on YouTube.  I thought I saw this video and knew what he was referencing.  I didn’t think twice about it.  It was funny when he said.

He has a southern drawl and very mono-tone voice.  So just about everything he says to me is funny.

Friday I decide that I need to look at this video so I can see what the hell is so funny.  I look it up…and it’s not that funny.  He looked it up at the same time I did and was cracking up.  I just didn’t get it.  Here’s the video.

You know what…I’m not going to do that…you can find it on your own.

Here’s the thing…the video wasn’t that funny. Why?  Maybe because I’m Black.  The Lady in the video…the way she talks is the way my people talk.  Maybe I’m used to it, so I couldn’t find the humor in that.

I also know that the news media seemingly look for the most “news-worthy” candidates that they can find.  It’s absolutely amazing.  So…Sweet Brown…I like your charisma!  But they are laughN at you Baby.  But at least I saw that you had a little chuckle too!

I’m sensitive when non-Black people laugh at my people when they are stereotypically represented.  I can’t stand it.  But then again…as it is said…it is what it is.  I try to be open about it.  But there is a difference at laughing because something to truly funny compared to laughing at someone in a demeaning way.

I don’t know.  I’m sensitive.  I guess it could have been worse.  But she was tripN…a little bit  Plus, I don’t think it is cool to take shots at people in certain situations.

You know what…Chris Rock, succka!

Peace.